At considerable risk to my mental health I watched Waleed Aly’s interview of Scott Morrison on The Project, and then against professional advice watched it again so that I could transcribe it. What follows is that transcription, as accurate as possible inasmuch as I had to stop listening when my ears started to bleed and […]
Crimes against children are universally reviled. Even criminals hate those who offend against children. Probably the most cowardly and disgusting act an adult can commit is to use a child as a human shield, or, worse, as a weapon.
Act 1 Scene: A Border Protection court. In the dock, the Smith family (not their real name): Mr. Smith (624791), Mrs. Smith (624792), and 7 year-old Jane Smith (624793) (not their real numbers) Presiding, The Minister for Immigration and Border Protection. Minister: You stand accused of four serious crimes. The first count is: That you […]
From Shaun Micallef’s Mad As Hell, broadcast 26/2/14. “We also owe you an apology. Yet again the ABC has been guilty of broadcasting unsubstantiated allegations. The allegations made by Immigration Minister Scott Morrison were that most of the rioting on Manus Island occurred outside the detention centre. The ABC now accepts that we were wrong […]
Whatever it is, it’s powerful stuff. Scott initially described events before Reza Berati’s killing, and the serious injuries to around seventy others as “an incident” and “a disturbance”. I’d like to be able to see and hear those events, and calmly refer to them like that.
Speaking today from a very tall mountain in Switzerland, One-Term Tony told the press “I see no evidence to support claims that asylum seekers were abused. Trust me!”. “All I see is mountains”, he added.
Minister Scott Free and Lieutenant (formerly Lieutenant General) Soup Campbell faced a barrage of questions yesterday, following revelations that HMAS Stuart had been discovered 200 metres up a small creek in Indonesia for the fifth time. Lieutenant Campbell led the briefing, to explain how GPS turn-by-turn instructions had caused the problem. “Maritime navigation is a […]
A visibly irritated Scott Free held a doorstop press conference earlier today. “We’re at war. People Smugglers are the enemy. We shoot at the enemy. How hard is that?” “I’m disappointed that the Press is having trouble connecting the dots”, he added. “Let me help you with that.” “The Prime Minister, 5265617, has already told you […]
In a widely anticipated but brief Press Conference today the Prime Minister declared that Australia is at war. Grave faced, he announced “Gentlemen of the Press, we are at, errrr, war.” “Starting from today, in order that the enemy shall have no knowledge of our plans or intentions, all press conferences are cancelled.” When asked […]
Excerpted from my article Prime Minister “One-term” Tony sets a blistering pace, about One-term Tony’s achievements in only 70 days. Sri Lanka: Determined to put Australia into the international spotlight, One-term quickly showed that he’s not afraid to disagree with, well, pretty much everybody. Canada, India and Mauritius all boycotted the CHOGM meeting in Sri Lanka […]
(Excerpted from my article Prime Minister “One-term” Tony sets a blistering pace 2013-12-01) Immigration: straight out of his corner after the first gong, Immigration Minister Scott Free revealed his plans for refusing to reveal anything. “We said we would turn back the REDACTED FOR OPERATIONAL REASONS, and now I ask you, do you hear about any REDACTED […]
In a shock announcement, Prime Minister One-term Tony has revealed that Australia is to have a Science Minister after all. It’s Canada’s ex-Defence Minister, Paul Hell-Yeah. “Just as, aaaaah, there was only one woman, errrrr, smart enough for cabinet, until, aaaah, now there was nobody smart enough to be Science Minister”, One-term announced.
This may be becoming monotonous, but the more I hear about how our country and our elected representatives are treating fellow human beings whose only crime has been to run for their lives, the more disgusted I become. The Asylum Seeker Resource Centre posts regularly on Facebook on breaking news, most often unfortunately on how poorly […]
Today the Prime Minister announced new regulations for overseas adoption. “For some time, we’ve had three apparently insoluble problems. I’m proud that this initiative solves all three. I could say I’m “Thinking outside the boxing ring””, he quipped. A quiet smile playing around his sometimes invisible lips, the Prime Minister went on to say “Our […]
Scott Free, the usually taciturn Minister for Keeping The Door Shut, today was voluble at a press conference. “I’m excited to announce Advance Australia Apart. What is it? REDACTED FOR OPERATIONAL REASONS. Sorry, force of habit… I’d like to share with you some innovative and I think positive extensions to the code of conduct I announced […]