Scott and Waleed

At considerable risk to my mental health I watched Waleed Aly’s interview of Scott Morrison on The Project, and then against professional advice watched it again so that I could transcribe it. What follows is that transcription, as accurate as possible inasmuch as I had to stop listening when my ears started to bleed and […]

Jumping The Queue – a tragedy of one act

Act 1 Scene: A Border Protection court. In the dock, the Smith family (not their real name): Mr. Smith (624791), Mrs. Smith (624792), and 7 year-old Jane Smith (624793) (not their real numbers) Presiding, The Minister for Immigration and Border Protection. Minister: You stand accused of four serious crimes. The first count is: That you […]

ABC apologises for broadcasting Morrison’s press conference without first verifying facts

From Shaun Micallef’s Mad As Hell, broadcast 26/2/14. “We also owe you an apology. Yet again the ABC has been guilty of broadcasting unsubstantiated allegations. The allegations made by Immigration Minister Scott Morrison were that most of the rioting on Manus Island occurred outside the detention centre. The ABC now accepts that we were wrong […]

Navy’s GPS error explained

Minister Scott Free and Lieutenant (formerly Lieutenant General) Soup Campbell faced a barrage of questions yesterday, following revelations that HMAS Stuart had been discovered 200 metres up a small creek in Indonesia for the fifth time. Lieutenant Campbell led the briefing, to explain how GPS turn-by-turn instructions had caused the problem. “Maritime navigation is a […]

Scott Free - copyright 2014 David Pope

Of course we’re shooting; it’s a war! – Scott Free

A visibly irritated Scott Free held a doorstop press conference earlier today. “We’re at war. People Smugglers are the enemy. We shoot at the enemy. How hard is that?” “I’m disappointed that the Press is having trouble connecting the dots”, he added. “Let me help you with that.” “The Prime Minister, 5265617, has already told you […]


“We are at war” – The Prime Minister the Honourable 5265617 MP, Member for REDACTED FOR OPERATIONAL REASONS

In a widely anticipated but brief Press Conference today the Prime Minister declared that Australia is at war. Grave faced, he announced “Gentlemen of the Press, we are at, errrr, war.” “Starting from today, in order that the enemy shall have no knowledge of our plans or intentions, all press conferences are cancelled.” When asked […]

Scott Free, this man's smuggling something

70 days in Canberra – gunboat diplomacy

Excerpted from my article  Prime Minister “One-term” Tony sets a blistering pace, about One-term Tony’s achievements in only 70 days. Sri Lanka: Determined to put Australia into the international spotlight, One-term quickly showed that he’s not afraid to disagree with, well, pretty much everybody. Canada, India and Mauritius all boycotted the CHOGM meeting in Sri Lanka […]

We’re getting away with this – Scott Free

(Excerpted from my article  Prime Minister “One-term” Tony sets a blistering pace 2013-12-01) Immigration: straight out of his corner after the first gong, Immigration Minister Scott Free  revealed his plans for refusing to reveal anything. “We said we would turn back the REDACTED FOR OPERATIONAL REASONS, and now I ask you, do you hear about any REDACTED […]

Copyright 2013 Jim Carrey

Australia’s new Science Minister

In a shock announcement, Prime Minister One-term Tony has revealed that Australia is to have a Science Minister after all. It’s Canada’s ex-Defence Minister, Paul Hell-Yeah. “Just as, aaaaah, there was only one woman, errrrr, smart enough for cabinet, until, aaaah, now there was nobody smart enough to be Science Minister”, One-term announced.

Holiday reading for Scott Free, One-term Tony, and all our elected representatives

This may be becoming monotonous, but the more I hear about how our country and our elected representatives are treating fellow human beings whose only crime has been to run for their lives, the more disgusted I become. The Asylum Seeker Resource Centre posts regularly on Facebook on breaking news, most often unfortunately on how poorly […]

Intention To Drown form required for asylum adoptees

Today the Prime Minister announced new regulations for overseas adoption. “For some time, we’ve had three apparently insoluble problems. I’m  proud that this initiative solves all three. I could say I’m “Thinking outside the boxing ring””, he quipped. A quiet smile playing around his sometimes invisible lips, the Prime Minister went on to say “Our […]

Advance Australia Apart, or, We’re still getting away with it – Scott Free

Scott Free, the usually taciturn Minister for Keeping The Door Shut, today was voluble at a press conference. “I’m excited to announce Advance Australia Apart. What is it? REDACTED FOR OPERATIONAL REASONS. Sorry, force of habit… I’d like to share with you some innovative and I think positive extensions to the code of conduct I announced […]