Scott and Waleed

At considerable risk to my mental health I watched Waleed Aly’s interview of Scott Morrison on The Project, and then against professional advice watched it again so that I could transcribe it.

What follows is that transcription, as accurate as possible inasmuch as I had to stop listening when my ears started to bleed and my eyes kept rolling back into my head spontaneously.

If, unlike me, you value your mental health and don’t wish to read the transcript below, here is a précis of Morrison’s remarks:

I’m a great bloke

There is no problem

I said hug the Muslims

My preference is not to talk about preferences

You want more than one rapist?

Do next? I’ve already done it. Keep up.

Did I mention I’m a great bloke?

I think the most cogent comment I could make is to reproduce, after the transcript, and open letter to all Australians signed by four previous Prime Ministers. It was written in 1998, and everything it predicts has, sadly, come true.

Four previous Prime Ministers understood the problem. Most that followed exploited it instead. This has never been a difficult choice, except for those who are so bereft of morals they’d demonise other humans for political advantage.

The Transcript

Waleed Aly: Prime Minister, I wonder…

Scott Morrison: I’m just going to tell you interminable stories that show what a wonderful caring bloke I am and that I know actual Muslims and speak to them and we should all hug each other.

W: As Prime Minister, do you…

M: Well, Prime Minister is more of an honorary position, I’m not in charge of anything or anybody, we are a broad church, and any individual can say any damn thing they like really, but I display amazing leadership and always have. 

W: Prime Minister, at the shadow cabinet meeting called to discuss election strategy…

M: It’s all lies and nobody has ever said otherwise…

W: But Andrew Robb…

M: No he didn’t, it’s all lies and my election strategy was to hug Muslims somebody misheard let me tell you another story… 

W: Prime Minister, since One Nation says Islam is a disease, will you preference them last?

M: friggle fraggle boo blah tiggety taggety we won’t do any deals.

W: I didn’t ask about deals, will you preference them last?

M: sniggety snoggety flim flam State decision at the time we will definitely make a decision based on blobble blibble blah

W: Will you put them below Labor and Greens?

M: oogle boogle I can’t say

W: As Leader, surely you can suggest what you’d like 

M: Broad church, not the tv series, licketty ticketty fru fru fru, we will decide who comes and the manner in which, can’t you see I’m not going to answer your question and take a hint and move on, this is getting embarrassing

W: Prime Minister…

M: It’s been several minutes since I told you an irrelevant story about what a wonderful bloke I am and that I know other people and speak to them so let me maunder on a bit…

W: How many murderers, rapists and pedophiles?

M: 50

W: That’s how many murderers, rapists…

M: outrage mock horror gurgle spit you’re not suggesting we should let murderers rapists and pedophiles into the country, are you, what kind of lunatic suggestion is that, my god man…

W: How many?

M: 60

W: That’s how many…

M: Just one is too many, don’t you understand that, even if it was one argle bargle frizzle frazzle spittle flying murderers and rapists argh argh argh

W: Prime Minister, what should we do, going forward?

M: We? Who is this we? This is about me. And I’ve already done it. Let me tell you a story. At 3:45 on Friday I did something sensitive and wonderful, and the next day I was empathetic and kind, and the day after that I actually spoke to a Muslim person and now here we are. The problem is all fixed, apart from you, because you don’t believe me, so now you know what a fantastic bloke I am you agree I’m a fantastic bloke and everything will be wonderful and my other campaign promises are to…

W: Good luck with that.

Open letter to Australia from four Prime Ministers

2 thoughts on “Scott and Waleed

  1. Thumbs up, Mr Barnes. Both amusing and tragic. Bet the Germans have a word for that?

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