Today the Prime Minister announced new regulations for overseas adoption.
“For some time, we’ve had three apparently insoluble problems. I’m proud that this initiative solves all three. I could say I’m “Thinking outside the boxing ring””, he quipped.
A quiet smile playing around his sometimes invisible lips, the Prime Minister went on to say “Our first problem was, er, overseas adoption. Our second problem was the growing, um, number of orphaned Illegals. Our third, and by far the largest problem, was a complete dearth of, er, good-news stories about, um, me. I haven’t been, er, photographed with lots of women for weeks, and something had to be done.”
One-term continued “In what I regard as a knockout punch, I’ve solved all three problems. Children under 12 months who survive their parents drowning legally will be automatically eligible for adoption. Orphans whose parents drown illegally, and illegal orphans over 12 months, or “unaccompanied miners” as they will be called officially, will continue to be processed in the usual way and sent to a mining camp as announced by Token Bishop. Lastly, I will now be photographed smiling in front of lots of happy women, just in time for Christmas.”
Officials from Scott Free’s Department for Keeping the Door Shut added “In order for Orphans to qualify as desirable, deserving and unfortunate victims, their parents will have to complete and return an “Intention to drown” form to the Department before commencing their final journey. We will be taking out advertisements in Indonesian newspapers to alert them to this requirement. Orphans whose parents drown without filling out this form may find themselves considered as worthless, opportunistic queue jumpers just looking for a handout, and classified as Unaccompanied Miners. Parents who return an “Intention to drown” form and who subsequently fail to drown will be regarded as having automatically breached the Illegals’ Code of Conduct and will be deported to have another go.”