Scott Free, the usually taciturn Minister for Keeping The Door Shut, today was voluble at a press conference.
“I’m excited to announce Advance Australia Apart. What is it? REDACTED FOR OPERATIONAL REASONS. Sorry, force of habit… I’d like to share with you some innovative and I think positive extensions to the code of conduct I announced earlier.
We realise that the Code will be difficult to enforce unless Illegals – or asylum seekers as the Loony Left keeps calling them – unless Illegals can easily be told apart from real Australians who just look foreign, dehydrated and suicidal. These simple extensions to the Code will allow this. We’ve called the extensions “Advance Australia Apart”.
- Illegals will wear a distinctive logo pinned to their clothes. We tried a few, and found that abbreviating “Advance Australia Apart” to just “AAA” and rotating the As makes a nice distinctive star shape, echoing the stars in the Southern Cross. This star will be gold, on a green background.
- So that Illegals’ behaviour can be easily observed to check for violations of the Code, such as crossing against the flashing red man, we will provide separate facilities for Illegals, clearly signed. For example, there will be two sets of toilets, one labelled “Illegals”, and the other “Australians”. We will have separate drinking fountains, and other such facilities.
- On public transport, Illegals will sit at the back of the bus, clearly separated from Australians. Likewise in cinemas and other public places, when Illegals are allowed in, they will sit separately.
We believe that sitting with their own kind will reduce the culture shock that Illegals may otherwise experience. These extensions to the Code will also simplify the detection of infringements, and we will encourage all true Australians to report any infringements to the Department of Keeping The Door Shut. These extensions won’t place any additional burden on the Police or Courts, as I and the Department can adjudicate these cases. Those Illegals found breaching the Code will be returned to the camps, er, detention centres, for processing”.
In response to questions, Scott Free responded “Advance Australia Apart!”. He added “REDACTED FOR OPERATIONAL REASONS”.